Direct Answers – Column for the week of Might 31, 2004
I am anxious about my daughter, “Julie.” She is sixteen and a junior in substantial faculty. She gets fair grades, does not get into a great deal of difficulty, and does not smoke or do medication as significantly as I know. Why the issue, you ask? It's the way she attire.
Julie likes to put on baggy pants, T-shirts with rock band logos, cranium and crossbones, or phrases these kinds of as “Psycho.” She wears chains and studs on her pants, wrists, and neck. Ninety p.c of her garments are black. Just two weeks back she lower her attractive, waistline size white-blonde hair, dyed it black and pink, and now spikes it every working day!
I would like Julie to have her particular person fashion, but I feel she is heading way far too significantly. It is mad and also uncomfortable to my partner and me. You should help me. I have now else to change!
Margaret, with little ones you have to choose your battles. It sounds like Julie is a good woman who goes to faculty and does not do medication. If she has always gotten fair grades, then almost nothing has modified.
If you and your partner have specified restrictions, these kinds of as no tattoos, no physique piercing, and reasonable curfews, that's the battleground. Converse to Julie what your restrictions are, and notice that wonderful white-blonde hair grows back again and a wardrobe can be modified in an fast.
Julie may perhaps feel she is a rebel, but all she has accomplished is don the uniform of the team she hangs out with. The transform is as lasting as her age. Enable her rebel with the factors which do not make any difference, and do not concede on anything which does make any difference.
If we throw enjoy and treatment at our little ones, mixed with a reasonable amount of money of willpower, factors practically always change out suitable.
Wayne & Tamara
As well Much
I am in a good partnership for shut to a year. I am divorced for the reason that my ex experienced an affair, and we were quite unhappy. Right before this I trustworthy each individual I was with.
I believe in my new girlfriend, but she has a childhood buddy who is continue to a buddy to her, and they have experienced sexual associations many situations. In a the latest vacation in the vicinity of where he life, I advised we get with each other and have supper. She claimed it would be uncomfortable, and she was hesitant to introduce us.
I did not press the issue. Now my girlfriend would like to go and remain with his mother, or him as significantly as I know, and get absent for the weekend. She mentioned she would be heading to supper and hanging out with him. She also stated what they shared is around and more experimentation than anything else.
I have not been invited, nor would I really like to go. I am not pleased about it. Am I producing a major deal out of almost nothing?
Roger, why would not you have a challenge? Your girlfriend of a year is heading to shell out a weekend with a person she's experienced sex with, a person she does not want you to meet.
Her clarification that sex involving them was experimental is not reassuring. Does it indicate she can have sex outside the house a fully commited, long-expression, monogamous partnership? Would she like this person to dedicate to her and he will not, but she retains striving? Is this vacation an attempt to pit just one person in opposition to yet another?
Trust and fidelity are absolute essentials in a partnership, and she is creating you issue about both of those. You are worried if you put your foot down it may perhaps finish the partnership, but if you foresee marriage to this female, you need to.
Wanting a partnership is just one issue. Allowing anyone check and break its restrictions is yet another. You can not settle for fewer and get more.
When another person checks the bonds of a partnership to this extent, and you do not protest, they do not respect you more. They treat you like a doormat.